i think my tv is drunk
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
