I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
