I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want to make a zoo with you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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