just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
