Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
