Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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