He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
