dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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