dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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