did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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