Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
