he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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