Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
