What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What a dumb baby whore.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
