We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
