I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
