3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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