i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
