That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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