using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
