Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
