its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
