Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
