so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
