Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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