Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
