You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
