The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
