sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
