Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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