be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
