i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
