well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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