he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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