"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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