Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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