is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
