I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
