I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
