Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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