Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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