I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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