His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
