I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
