The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The air taste purple.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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