Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
