why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
