Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
