this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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