At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
how drunk are you?
Several
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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