is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
