yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
