So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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