I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
